Our Legacy

Deuteronomy 6:7 says that "Impress them (God's commandments) on your children. Talk about them and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

We need to work on teaching God's word and have them applied seriously in our children's lives. It is not through 52 weeks Sunday School sessions or 3 days of VBS in a year. It's a 24/7, 30 days a month, 365 days a year job.

Having said this, we may not guarantee godly children. However, we have left one of the greatest legacy to our children.

Childishness or Foolishness?

My 5-year old daughter has an issue with resting and sleeping. She refuses to rest when it is desired during times of sickness. She also sees sleeping is an EXTREMELY BORING activity. All parents know that children (especially younger ones) get cranky and restless when it is close to sleeping time. They can whine and cry till it drives you up the wall! This warrants discipline, right?

So, do we correct them because it is a childish or foolish behavior? What do you think?

Bonding before Discipline

Many of us are eager to find out the best type of discipline we should have on our children. The 'time out' chair, standing at the corner, writing 100 lines of not repeating the mistake, or the 'no TV and Gameboy for the weekend'? Which is the most effective? Have they learnt through this discipline?

It all begins with the bond we have with our children. The stronger the bond, the more effective the discipline program is. Studies have shown that children learn best when they feel that their parents love, understand and respect them. There will be less resistance when it comes to obeying instructions of discipline.

Do remember the 8 tips to strengthening family ties written in the Effective Parenting In A Defective World Lessons. These will carry us a long way to healthy families.

Teaching Children to Affirm in Conversation

I received a parenting tip from www.biblicalparenting.org on Teaching Children to Affirm in Conversation.

It says that children DON"T KNOW how to LISTEN without listening about the next thing they want to say. If they do listen, they react with statements like,"I know,"or "I can do better than that." In fact, whenever I hear this from my kids, I feel that this conversation is going no where. Rather frustrating, huh?

So, we should teach our children to affirm others in conversation.

For eg., children can say, "I agree" or "You're right.", "That must have been exciting," or "You saw a fun thing." Good responses in conversation are "Oh," "That's interesting," or to ask a question.

Let us remember to teach them to encourage the other person first before they launch their responses which sometimes sound like counter attack.

Well, it all starts with us conversing with them. When they make a comment in public, "Eewww, she's so fat!". We don't say "Watch your words" or "Shut up". Rather we may say,"You're right,son.(if it's true she's on the big side). But I think we should be more tactful in our comments,OK?" In this way, we can keep the conversation open.

Biblical Parenting Site

There's a very informative and applicable biblical parenting site for us all. Please log on to http://www.biblicalparenting.org/ to be a subsriber. It is free!!

They will email you great parenting tips 2X a week.

Then we can share more about what they say and how it can apply to our families.

5 Touchpoints of love

In one of our coursework in Growing Kids God's Way, we identified our touchpoints of love. In other words, the languages of love. We have preferred ways to be loved. So do our spouse, kids and friends.

The 5 touchpoints of love are ....
1. Quality time
- wish to spend more time with someone you love

2. Gift giving
- loves special treats and small but significant gifts

3. Encouraging
- words of encouragement and praise are much welcomed

4. Service
- enjoys being served a cuppa of nice coffee, a special favor and others

5. Touch
- adores being hugged and touched (affectionate and loving)

When my husband and I found out our touchpoints, we were rather surprised. Now, we are able to work towards meeting that special way to be loved and love. As the years advance, the touchpoints may vary, I believe.

Have you found out your touchpoints of love? How about your other half? It is very significant and helpful when we do. Find out more .....(attached file)??

Lessons from "Effective Parenting in a Defective World"

5 July 2008.

Pastor Steven Low from World Teach conducted a workshop on "Effective Parenting in a Defective World". We were taught how to raise our children in a negative world, how to build family relationships that bond and how to discipline our children effectively.

It was a full day workshop loaded with precious information. Actually, I wished it was done in two days. I believe we all had information overload!

One area that I appreciate most is the 8 keys for building relationships that bond....

1.Unconditional love (tough but achievable when we remember God's love for us)

2. Scheduled time (we started off with our children by 'dating' them invidually every week)

3. Focused attention (still a challenge for us when our 4 kids speak simultaneously)

4. Eye contact (shows that mum or dad is interested in me)

5. Ongoing communication
- dinner conversation together (thank God that we have passed the days where we eat and be awefully silent!)

- bedtime stories (even my 9-year old son still enjoys them)

- shared experiences (oh, this is never ending!)

6. Meaningful touching (Dad, be your daughter's first date; vice versa, Mum, be your son's first date)

7. Have fun together

8. Pray together often (the family that prays together sticks together)

We are not called to be perfect parents, but to be AUTHENTIC.