Sorry, please forgive me (2)

Blessed Chinese New Year!

We were talking about our children’s pride in the last session. Their pride may cause them to lose friends and favors if not handled properly.

Humility is hard to be taught. However, it can be caught. An incident happened last week …..

“I’ve had it, children! We are not going out. You guys will stay home without lunch today. You cannot obey simple instructions even after many reminders!” This hit me so badly that I had an instant migraine. I stomped into my room and tried to rest. (As if, we can…ha..ha….)

Did I make a booboo? Yelling at them like a mad woman….it’s simply crazy. My pride says that don’t back out on your words. My tummy says I need to eat too!! 15 minutes passed. My dear daughter came in and apologized, followed by the boys. That eased my anger quite a bit.
I got up and spoke calmly, “I’m sorry for being crazy just now. I shouldn’t have YELLED at you. Please forgive me.” They accepted it. I continued, “I need you to ask for my forgiveness too. “ They did. And so, we have reconciled.

Reconciliation begins when repentance is followed by forgiveness.

Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirits gains honor. “

Sorry, please forgive me (1)

Sorieeee… (with a drag and eyes rolled)
Sorrilah….(short and quick, followed by eyes rolled)
So……ri (followed by eyes rolled)

Notice that every sorry is accompanied with eyes rolled. Does that child mean what he or she say? Certainly not! Do you get these kinds of responses often? Well, I do. It is lackadaisical and disturbing.

Do you behave the similar manner to your spouse as your children do to you? Honestly I do. Childish? Yes! Immatured? Yes! At the end of any incident, that kind of sorry will not reconcile us with anyone.

Self pride is the main culprit. Pride causes us to lose face if we admit our mistakes. Therefore, it takes big courage to apologize sincerely. It takes bigger courage to ask for forgiveness. It takes the biggest courage to be rejected of forgiveness.

In the next episode, we will work on how we could help our children cope with this pride.

Octopus Hands

“Mum, the light is green now!” I jumped from my 100-seconds nap and engaged my car gear. My helper left last Thursday. Since then, we were frenziedly getting meals ready, putting out the laundry, getting the children to school and ….. the list goes on. And here I was, trying to ‘nap’ at the traffic light at red to get some extra pound of energy.

In moments like that, we wish we have octopus hands. Hands that can comfort a crying child, stir the stew and wash some dishes! And so, I wonder when this madness will ever stop. If I look at the calendar, it’s another 2 months before the extra help arrives. This seems eternity already.

But, if I look up to God, he says “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

In Pursuit of Excellence

In our first attempt in having a tuition class for my 2 sons in my house, it turned out a disaster. A re known mandarin teacher was hired as their personal tutor. They giggled, played a fool, and giggled time and again. They might have even caused indigestion to her breakfast that day. She never came back the second time (well, partly she met with a car accident on her way home. She’s OK, not her car though.) Since then, I had neither dared to call another tutor to the house nor engaged them to any tuition classes.

Lately, my eldest son needs assistance in Bahasa Malaysia (BM). And so, I had him start the BM tuition. This time, I decided to have him sent out to the tutor’s (Mrs Ng) home.

With his ingenuous questions on why, what, when, where and how BM was related to him, the tutor spent 30minutes explaining its relevance and urgency. She commented on fulfilling the Great Commission* for God by excelling in different languages. Lo and behold, that got him a little excited. She also read him some common Bible stories in BM.

Can you believe this? Now, am I going off tangent or she is? The next thing I knew was that I agreed with her teaching my son about the Bible in BM in the first half of the session. Following that, will be the school syllabus proper.

God is super creative, you know. He can turn the stones into bread, water into wine, and even make blind men see. The next time you think your children cannot be bent, think again. God sends people like Mrs Ng!!

In our pursuit of excellence, we truly need God’s grace.

Luke 2: 40 – “And the child (Jesus) grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.”

*The Great Commision – Matthew 28:19,20 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father,and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

The First Day

Do you vividly remember the first day you go to school? May it be in the kindergarten, or Standard 1, we must admit that there’s this looming, dreadful fear. What if mummy or daddy leaves and forgets to fetch me? What if some boy calls me names? What if my teacher scolds me for wetting my pants?

Four of my children reacted differently on their first few days of school. Emerson decided to flee when we got down the nearby school parking lot. Evans was cool about the whole thing. A tearful Estelle had to be consoled and carried around the school premise. Elgin was rather quiet at first but admitted that he had 2 tearful episodes after that.

No matter what the reaction was, I thank God that He gave them the courage to face it.

Remember to praise your child today that he or she has been so brave in facing this first day – the day that will mark a difference for the rest of the year 2010.

Blessed New Year 2010!

Joshua 1:9 – Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

The Wise Decision (Part 2)

So, let's continue with our story.....

In that tensed moment, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for 5 seconds. Yes, I felt disappointed that I have failed in my call of duty. Nevertheless, God's spirit spurred me to continue the session with the younger ones. My boys and I had a long conversation after that. They were reprimanded and apologised. We prayed together and asked God to create in us a thirst and hunger for God's word.

During bedtime, I asked my little girl how she felt about the episode that morning. "I feel sorry for you, mum." Wow, she can feel for me! God is so good. Boy, am I glad that I have made a wise decision that morning.

Our children can fail us in many ways. When that happens, let us re-channel our focus on those who need us just as much. May it be your other children in line or your spouse.

DO NOT RESENT AND LABEL THEM UNGRATEFUL BRATS!! (That's a trap)

Ephesians 4: 26 - In you anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

The Wise Decision (Part 1)

During a session of bible reading with the children, 2 of them walked out. They didn't like to be seated and told what to do. How would you react? You may decide to yell, "Sit down, do you hear me? Or you will get disciplined soon." Then, march out to get this settled. Or decide to continue with the session in anger and bitterness.

At this very moment, the younger ones were very quiet. Their faces clearly showed that they wanted to continue hearing the bible story.

I truly struggled with making the right decision. But I finally made it. Before I reveal it, would you share what a wise decision would be?

Dream, dream, dream

Oh....if only I could turn back the clock and be 20 again. Or maybe 30 again. There is so much that I wished I could have done and, got it done better. I thought of being an award-winning director, a cheerleader, and a top athlete.

Wish no more, my friend. But rather, let these be our dreams from this day onwards.

The Christmas play performed in December 2008 was a dream came true when I was able to help direct the play. In the play, I had 2 of my children involved. They were thrilled. You couldn't imagine how much they hoped to shine and excel in this. They worked hard and had fun. I soon realised that I was passing my dream to them.

Do you have a dream? Or do you merely dream that your children have dreams to be doctors, lawyers and engineers?

Joel 2:28 - (The Lord says) I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daugthers will prophesy, your old man will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.

Positive self-image

"An individual's self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change, and the choice of friends, mates and careers. It's no exaggeration to say that a strong positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success for life" - Dr. Joyce Brothers (psychologist and author)


We shape our children's image. Our children see themselves as what we say they are. Find something positive to say to your son and daughter everyday. Think hard.....surely they have some good stuff in them.

A positive self-image cannot be destroyed when it is firmly established!

Closing The Chapter

How do you break a grieving news to your children? It may be the death of a dear family member, the unexpectedly poor exam results or moving away from the neighbourhood friends again?

When is the right time and the right place? How to answer the "Whys?"

Yes, we may have chosen the right moment to break the news. Yes, we have given our best answers to the "Whys"? But, are the children satisfied? Have they come to terms with the reality? Are they able to move on?

Our children can grief, just like us. Often they are not taught and guided to overcome their grief. We need to help them close the chapters. Closing a chapter means leaving and forgiving the past, then moving forward in life.

How to close a chapter? Well, we can discover more on this i.e. if you are keen.

Sharing is NOT fun!

"I don't want to share. This is all mine."
"Sharing is fun, dear. Look, the Winnie-the-Pooh poster says so. God also says that it is more blessed to give than to receive."

The tussle above occurs to us and our children of all ages. May it be a 2-year or a 20-year old, they don't really enjoy the idea of sharing.

Honestly, I must say sharing is actually NOT that fun. There are numerous ocassions where I want to have my own Cornetto ice cream, all to myself. But, the little ones will come begging to share with me. What a bummer..I thought...I have to share, right? After or, who propagate the idea of sharing is fun in the first place? Solution.. hide at some corner to savour my favorite Cornetto or wait till they are all asleep. But then again, I will have the biggest baby (my dear hubby) asking to share too!!

Hebrews 13:16 - And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices,
God is pleased.

Taboo Words

Since young, our children were taught that....STUPID, IDIOT, DUMB...are taboo words. They would, obediently comply. They just spelled them, in case they got caught for uttering them. Are't they super angels!!??

When the older ones started schooling, they brought all those taboo words home!! STUPID, IDIOT and DUMB are shallow. They can go deeper with some 4-letter words. Their friends use them freely in school, they quote. Should they not, then?

Absolutely NOT! We have our house rules and expectations. They are expected to speak well of each other and not to put anyone down. No matter how annoying the other brother or sister can be, the taboo words are forbidden. Anger and bitterness are taught to be expressed in healthier manners.

Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let unwholesome talk come out of y0ur mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Words of life begins with you and I.

Take it or leave it

Johnny is never interested in eating a full meal. At the meal table, he would take a few spoonfuls and run off from the table. Then mum would go around the house ‘chasing’ after him while coaxing him with occasional bribes and threats so that he could finish the food on the plate. Sometimes this arduous task is passed to the ‘kakak’. The whole episode ends with either Johnny screaming to be spared from the food or finishing off the food 2 hours later. Familiar?

We have such “Johnny” in our family. The cane was often used to threaten him and everyone else gets agitated with us. This tactic works only for a little while. Then he repeats this prank and we get more annoyed the following times.

Thank God, we are wiser now. No more cane, no more crying. Instead we instruct this… ‘Son, either you finish off the food before leaving the table or it will be taken away once you walk off. No snacking or whatsoever after that. However if you need to leave the table for some good reason, do ask for permission before doing so.” The first time we instructed this, he disobeyed and therefore faced the consequence. We took his food away for 30 minutes. He returned and finished off his cold food after that. There wasn't much of such incident after that. That's a victory!

Take it or leave it….our children are responsible for the choices they make.

You are already a winner

Katrina and Angel were rather worried over a poem recital competition scheduled on the following Tuesday morning. On Monday night, they called their mum for some comfort.

Mum did an excellent job that night. First, she spelt out their fears and acknowledged them. Then, she said this..."My angels, before you get on that stage, believe that you are already a winner. And I believe in you."

She expects them to do their very best and then lead them to leave the result to God. Winning is not all that matters. Believing in themselves and God matters. Telling them that you still love them even if they fail matters.

On Wednesday night, the girls reported to their mum that they have succeeded in getting the 1st and 2nd position respectively. Isn't that awesome?

"You are already a winner!" Won't you say that to your child today?

Special Moments

2 months ago, we started the "Special Moments" program with our children. Each of our 4 children get a chance to spend time with us, either parent or both.

To be fair, we drew lots as to whom should be the first to have a date with the parents. Evans got it first, followed by the older brother, Emerson. Estelle was the third while Elgin was not involved with the draw. We decided that they can do anything (anything healthy!) they want for 2 to 3 hours with us on Saturdays.

Dad brought Evans to a fishing trip at the stream. I brought Emerson for McDonalds. Estelle and I had a lunch out at Tesco. As for Elgin, I spend many mornings with him alone. We had so much fun that they are asking for it again. We have agreed to do that again after the final exam period.

What is our role here? We simply listen and the children talk. Boy, they can talk and talk till the cow comes home! We don't lecture, don't criticise, don't interrupt unless necessary (super duper tough, you know). We laugh at their jokes and enjoy myself by behaving silly. Result.......they feel so special and worthy to be called children of God.

"Special Moments" is our godly love in practice.

Everytime I Pray

For everytime I pray, I move the hands of God
My prayer does the things, my hands cannot do
For everytime I pray, the mountains are removed
The paths are made straight
And nations turn to You.

The above is one of my favorite songs. It gives hope and anticipation of seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It keeps me going in spite of the many ungrateful words and ugly faces from the children. Instead of feeling sulky and the "pity me, somebody", I give God the onus to change my heart. I choose to forgive them and I forgive myself.

When I am changed to be more filled with the fruits of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, my children's hearts will be changed too.

Keep P.U.S.H. ing, mums and dads. (P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happen)

The 5 Senses

My husband has a peculiar way of showing affection to our children. Having to work for long hours almost daily, he sees them only when they are asleep. He would sneak into their room and smell each of them. As he smells them, he lands a soft kiss on their hair. Quirky?

This brings me to realization that we are to use our God-given 5 senses to love our children. Have you looked into your child’s eyes when he shares an old joke? Have you heard their unceasing whining, implying that “Dad, be patient with me” ? Have you tasted bitter tears rolling down her cheeks? Have you smelled his sweaty hair after a game of ‘catching’? Have you touched her with hugs and pats on the shoulder?

Consider these great gifts from God, folks. Use them wisely.

Our Legacy

Deuteronomy 6:7 says that "Impress them (God's commandments) on your children. Talk about them and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

We need to work on teaching God's word and have them applied seriously in our children's lives. It is not through 52 weeks Sunday School sessions or 3 days of VBS in a year. It's a 24/7, 30 days a month, 365 days a year job.

Having said this, we may not guarantee godly children. However, we have left one of the greatest legacy to our children.

Childishness or Foolishness?

My 5-year old daughter has an issue with resting and sleeping. She refuses to rest when it is desired during times of sickness. She also sees sleeping is an EXTREMELY BORING activity. All parents know that children (especially younger ones) get cranky and restless when it is close to sleeping time. They can whine and cry till it drives you up the wall! This warrants discipline, right?

So, do we correct them because it is a childish or foolish behavior? What do you think?

Bonding before Discipline

Many of us are eager to find out the best type of discipline we should have on our children. The 'time out' chair, standing at the corner, writing 100 lines of not repeating the mistake, or the 'no TV and Gameboy for the weekend'? Which is the most effective? Have they learnt through this discipline?

It all begins with the bond we have with our children. The stronger the bond, the more effective the discipline program is. Studies have shown that children learn best when they feel that their parents love, understand and respect them. There will be less resistance when it comes to obeying instructions of discipline.

Do remember the 8 tips to strengthening family ties written in the Effective Parenting In A Defective World Lessons. These will carry us a long way to healthy families.